Oh yes, Faithe. I completely agree re: the p. 191 quote and what you wrote here. Exactly. I've talked about this similarly in regard to my memoir. I don't care if people I don't know read it and judge me or whatever..but I'm majorly concerned and feel extremely vulnerable for people who know me to read it and people in the family. It's not surprising, but it is interesting to me that we can disregard a thought from a stranger but obsess about that same thought from someone we know. And I understand exactly what you mean when you talked about your experience with doctors and then someone close to you saying the exact opposite. Yes. And yes. Glennon's point on being able to use our imagination as a bridge to people's experiences and what that can mean for our leaning what profound and important. Thanks for reiterating that here. Thanks for the great comment.

Kelly, I can understand why you felt angry reading the section on racism. I think anger might be the first stage in a process of coming to grips with our country's sordid history and the institutionalized racism that developed from that. Give yourself some time to learn about our history and the plight of people of color. Read some books or articles about what it means to be a transgender person or homosexual. My take is that marginalized individuals do not mean to make non-marginalized people feel guilty about past events that happened before we were born or too young to know what was happening. Marginalized populations are asking those who are not marginalized to: 1) understand and acknowledge the experience of marginalized groups; 2) look deep inside ourselves for the biases we internalized growing up in our society; and 3) instead of insisting we aren't biased (which is virtually impossible) and do nothing, become anti-racist.

I am on a learning curve.

Being anti-racist doesn't just mean that one isn't a racist. Being anti-racist doesn't just mean that one sways a racist to not be a racist anymore. If everyone in the USA was not racist, there would still be institutions that by their very nature marginalize certain individuals. We need to gut out racism. We must acknowledge our complicity in living in a racist society, even if we are just becoming aware of that complicity. That's why "white priviledge" has become such a popular catch-phrase. And we need to get involved in reinventing institutions, in electing officials who will help move us toward this end, and yes, have those uncomfortable conversations about race.

I am Jewish. I think about how the Holocaust might have been prevented if only many more non-Jews had stood up to the Nazi regime when Jews were made to wear the yellow Star, when they were not allowed to go to public parks, when they were stripped of their licenses to practice medicine or law, when their businesses where looted, when their businesses were stolen and given to non-Jews.

There is a true story about a little town where the Nazis came to take away the Jewish spouses of non-Jews. The townspeople gathered and protested. The Nazis left, taking no prisoners. This was probably early on during the regime, because as time when on, I'm sure the Nazis would have just shot everyone in sight. I wonder what would have happened if more non-Jews had protested early on instead of being compliant...

I have innumerable relatives who died by Nazi hands. I have relatives whose businesses were taken away by Nazis. I wouldn't want anyone who wasn't a part of that horror to feel guilty. If you look above to the 3 things I listed as to what marginalized people ask of non-marginalized people, there is a parallel for what I would ask of non-Jews: 1) understand what the Holocaust was and how it happened; 2) look deep inside and acknowledge biases learned by living in a predominantly Christian society; and 3) when you see anti-semitism, call it out and educate people.

Kelly, and all book club members, we are in a time when change for the better is upon us. I want to be part of the solution!

Susan, so beautifully stated. I was schooled on Thanksgiving by my sons, who explained the importance in understanding gender identification on ZOOM chats, or why the Vice-President elect writes after her name, she/her. I was resisting “they” because it is a plural noun; it’s used when someone’s sexual preference is fluid. Somedays they identify as male, other days as female, and sometimes as neither. They must come up with a better pronoun.

I think at some point in our lives we’ve all experienced being marginalized, feeling “less than”, not understood, not recognized, not treated with equality. To me, if I don’t imagine this torment, this suffering then I’m part of the problem. When I can imagine someone else’s pain, I can have compassion for their struggle, I can be a voice for those who aren’t heard.

Sometimes this world seems uber PC. In the 70s, my husband wrote a well known song with the lyric “oriental women”. Today, no one would know that reference—except maybe think it had to do with rugs? I think it’s essential that we hold each other with kindness and respect because that’s the best of the human experience. I feel lucky that my kids grew up in LA, a multicultural city, one that celebrates its diversity. I grew up outside of Boston, in a Catholic and Protestant neighborhood and we were the only Jewish family. And kids can be mean.

Perfectly said, Sue. And I appreciate you sharing your story and feelings around your Jewish heritage and what your family went through. I don't know why, maybe because it's more recent history, but it does make it easier to understand when presented in these terms. And yes to being part of the solution! "But" that means active engagement and figuring out where we fit or what to do is overwhelming and confusing..which of course smacks of my privilege!

I empathize with your anger, Kelly. I felt that way, not too long ago, when I first heard about white privilege. I was furious...I did not grow up privileged..that's what I thought. And in my mind and out loud I talked about my parents needing donations from the church so we could eat and my mom telling me she had 2 dollars in her pocket to shop for dinner. I was paying off my under grad college education until after I was 30. On and on I went. Then I listened to my she-ro Brene Brown talking about what privilege really meant. That was a rude awakening, I tell you. Made more rude by the fact I was 50 years old and only learning about how my privilege moved me through the world and at what expense to indigenous peoples and POC. It makes sense to feel angry. To feel like we had nothing to do with creating slavery or racism, none of which absolves us, if we want a just society, from turning a blind eye to the fact our entire society was founded on the backs of POC and has worked actively to kill them and "keep them in their place." There is so much work to do.

Wow Lisa—what a powerful experience. I think when we have direct knowledge about how different our lives are from minority groups we become more aware of and proactive about their diminished access to equality.

When my sons were young, we hired an awesome nanny from Belize. I asked her to return one of my kid’s jerseys because after I bought it, and brought it home the sensor was on it. I thought (for a nanosecond) The Gap might give her a hard time because I didn’t have the receipt. Guess what?! The store manager intimidated her, and implied that she had stolen the jersey, and refused to help her. The next day, I went to return the jersey and my worst suspicion was realized. The same store manager, who happened to be African American happily took off the sensor. I wrote a seething letter (on my company’s letterhead) to the president of Gap. Our nanny received a written apology and a $500 Gap shopping spree. But the store manager remained the store manager.

How infuriating Faithe. Nothing has changed. Just recently there was a big story in the news about Victoria's Secret and how the store managers and employees were "casing" black customers..basically accusing them of being potential shoplifters when they were in the store to shop like anyone else. Such a loooonnnnnngggggg way to go.

Wow Faith good for you on writing the letter!! Yes Tracey we have such a long way to go.

Thank you for sharing these powerful stories Lisa. And thank you for going to a rally. Action in action! And clearly, yes. You and your husband made a big difference. It's exactly as you said...you couldn't imagine until you could. Isn't that what is the most powerful thing about art and literature? How else can we more effectively put ourselves in someone else's shoes, open our eyes, find our compassion and live it into the world?

Yes, Tracey. It’s so important that we share our stories, and the history, of our ancestors.